pro·mis·cu·ous

pro·mis·cu·ous
 adjective \prə-ˈmis-kyə-wəs\
: having or involving many sexual partners

I think I've talked about this before, but alas, such a topic warrants yet another look.

With the recent freebie of my book on Kindle, I should have known to expect a few new reviews of the book on Amazon, and of course, Amazon readers do not fail to come through.  I hadn't even noticed the new reviews until a friend of mine emailed me alerting me to one in particular, saying, "Regular folks -- rather than those affected by RSO laws -- found a [FREE] book they could sink their teeth into and rip apart."

Of course, I just had to go and take a looksee for myself.  Sure enough, there is just one negative review and then somone else commented on that review.  I can't say as I'm surprised all that much that these two individuals are hung up on the fact that I say that my hubby's young victim was "promiscuous."  The reviewer by the name The Book Lover "Lou" says, "How can you dare call a 14 year-old girl promiscuous? If men weren't doing things to her, she couldn't be promiscuous."

(Click here to read the review.)

Seriously?  NO fourteen (or fifteen) year old girl would ever be interested in sex and want to have it?  The reader goes on to say that I "can't see the forest" because I was molested by a family member at a young age myself and therefore Lou seems to think I am incapable of making a smart choice for a husband some twenty-five years later.  As if I was molested one week and married to my hubby the next; that the span of 25 years of life experiences did not teach me anything at all about sex and healthy relationships.

Sounds like Dr. Drew all over again.

According to any one of the statistics out there that you can find on the net, anywhere from 20% to 38% of 14 and 15 year old girls are sexually active.  Does "sexually active" equate "promiscuity"?  If the number of partners is greater than two, I would say yes.  Cass Lisane, the commenter who responded to Lou's review accuses me of "slut-shaming" the victim.  Let's be clear:  I said she was promiscuous, I didn't call her a slut.  Just to be sure, I just ran a Search of the word "slut" in my 256 page PDF of the book, and, nope! "Slut" could not be found.

I am sorry if they disagree, but I do not think that "promiscious" and "slut" mean the same thing.  To me, "slut" is derogatory, whereas "promiscuous" is simply a description of a type of sexual behavior.

Anyway, back to the girl.  Here are the facts:

• Raised and lived in an extremely remote Hippie community where attitudes about sex were open and free. (Information provided by community members.)
• Nudity among community members were common place. (Information provided by community members.)
• Was seen walking with friends down a dirt road and through the woods topless on a few different occasions, as young as 12 years old. (Information provided by community members.)
• Sexually active beginning about 12 years of age. (Information provided by community members.)
• Had multiple partners (more than 2) by the time the incident with my husband took place. (Information provided by community members.)
• Says she has NEVER been sexually abused in any way by anyone including my husband. (Information provided to me by victim herself.)
• Was sexually involved with another man, 24 years old, at the time of the incident. (Information provided to me by community members and confirmed by victim herself.)
• Was attracted to and had a crush on my husband for a period of time prior to and during the incident. (Information provided to me by victim herself.)
• Initiated sexual contact with my husband. (Information provided to me by both the victim and my husband.)

You decide if she was promiscuous or not.  Even if you believe she wasn't, you cannot deny she was sexually active.

Now, regarding my dear hubby.  Here are the facts:

• Was 34 years old at the time of the incident.
• Was not involved with anyone at the time of the incident, had been celebate for nearly two years.
• Was not aware of the girl's age, nor did he care to know.
• Was left alone with the girl by her friends, brother and her parents.
• Was in a state of depression.
• Knew better, but did it anyway.
• Was drunk.
• Was stupid.

Both Lou and Cass Lisane felt that such facts were no excuse for what he did.  On that note, I agree completely.  At no time throughout the book do I attempt to excuse his actions, I am merely stating the facts as I knew them to be.  Stating the facts does not equate excusal; just merely explains how the incident could have taken place.  If any one of those factors had not been present, the incident might not have happened.

Lou stated, "I don't truly think you can objectively see what your book sounds like."

When I wrote the book, I definitely worried about that and that was why I chose two different editors with different backgrounds than me to edit the book.  One of the editors had suffered tremendous and extreme child sexual and emotional abuse and the other had never been touched by any form of child sexual abuse whatsoever and grew up in a healthy normal environment.  I felt, with their views based on their own experiences, they could help me keep the book balanced and focused.  Believe me, the book underwent some serious editing at the hands of these two remarkable women.  The book would not get published until it met their approval and they were comfortable with the final version.  I didn't just willy-nilly write the book and send in the manuscript unedited without any serious thought.  I knew that the book might strike a nerve or two here and there, and wanted to be sensitive to that end.  I still believe I accomplished that goal and my editors still back me up.

A few little facts about me:

• I was exposed to sexual topics at a very young age by both my parents.
• I was taught that sex was a good thing and was not dirty.
• I *was* a victim to child sexual abuse, I am NOT a victim now.
• I could have ended the abuse at any time but since I liked the attention, I chose not to, for two years.
• I received two years of counseling after I finally ended the abuse.
• I was a sexually active promiscuous teenage girl beginning when I was 15, (after the abuse ended.)
• I was horny and I liked older boys and men.  One of the men I sought out was 25 years older than me.
• I do not consider myself to be a victim of any form of sexual abuse by anyone else beside the family member who abused me.
• I went 25 years between the abuse and meeting my current husband, living a very normal American life.  As a teen, I never got involved with drugs, (just smoked pot a few times.)  I graduated high school.  I graduated art school.  I got married to a very normal college-educated man and we shared a very normal sexual lifestyle.  No weird stuff.  We had two daughters together.  We worked hard.  We bought houses and cars and lived the American Dream.  Then, finally, at 39, my life simply changed.

A few more little facts:

• My hubby was not a "Registered Sex Offender" when I met him.  At the time of his conviction, he was only asked to sign a paper at the court house.  There was no annual or semi-annual registration of any sort required, and therefore when I began a relationship with him, I was not worried about that stuff.
• After we married, and after our daughter was born, the laws changed and he was then made to register every six months.  Still not a big deal.
• Eleven years after the incident, when our daughter was five years old, the state raised his classification to a Level 2 and online and community notification was required.  This is when our hell begain.

People often say to me, "How could you marry a sex offender?" or "How could you have children with him?"

These things were NOT an issue at the time of our marriage or at the time of our child's birth.  I ask them in response, "What would you have me do?  Get a divorce and wish my daughter didn't exist?"

So, in closing, to Lou and Cass Lisane, I would like to say to them to walk a mile in my shoes and their eyes may then be opened.  I think I see the forest just fine, thank you, and I think maybe they could learn a thing or two if only they looked.  As for promiscuous teenage girls, they do exist, yet it is clear to me that neither Lou or Cass has ever been one.  You know what they say, "It takes one to know one", and well, I believe I definitely and completely qualify as one who knows one.

Finally Number One at Something

Hi all,

Just a quick reminder here to run right over to Amazon and download your FREE copy of my book, Consensual Consequences, on Kindle.  I believe today is the last day you will be able to download the book FREE!

CLICK HERE NOW!

It's been a typically busy week for me as work has picked up for me (yay!) but the down side is I have not been able to watch the ranking of the book this week like I wanted to. (boo hoo!) I have no idea how many copies of the book have been downloaded as my publisher has that info.  I will have to email them to ask.

Meanwhile, I think it's worthy to note that on September 12, the Kindle version of the book ranked #825 as a result of the giveaway.  That is, by far, the best the book has ever done.  Since then, the ranking has dropped a wee bit and today, the ranking is at 1,074, which is still pretty good, even for a free book.

But, check out the ranking for:

Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Professional & Technical > Law > Criminal Law > Criminal Procedure

It's Number 1!

WOO HOO!

I just had to take a screen shot in case the ranking dropped in the next minute or two.  :)

124 and Counting!

I just asked my publisher if anyone had downloaded any FREE copies of my book on Kindle and she responded with:

"Holy S...   124 already!!!"

Awesome!!!  That's 124 new people receiving an eye-opening education.  At least I hope!

Carry on, my friends!

Get a FREE Copy of My Book!

Hello all,

I have some exciting news tonight!  Beginning tomorrow, Tuesday, September 10, 2013, my book, Consensual Consequences, will be available FREE on Kindle for five days!  (At least I hope!) I have been working with my publisher to set up this free offer for a while now...

Woo-hah!

Click here to get your FREE copy.

Also, coinciding with this exciting news is a new You Tube video of a complimentary reading of Chapter 1 of the book that I have just launched.  Chapter 1, "Melody" describes the events that took place just prior and leading up to how I came to meet my loving husband.  This video is almost a half-hour long, so I would recommend starting the video and once you see the cover image of my book, go right ahead and begin multi-tasking while listening to the reading.  Play some Candy Crush.  Eat some popcorn.  Do the dishes.  File your fingernails.  Pick the lint out of your belly button... whatever it is you want to do to occupy your hands while your ears do the job of filling your noggin up with the narrative of the story that begins my life with my beloved man with a horrible label.

To see the video, click here.

The video is nothing fancy, and is narrated by me, which was especially challenging as I've had a cold, but nevertheless, I feel pretty good about how it all came out, considering as I've already stated, I am technologically challenged.

Maybe you will find it interesting enough that you will want more.  If you have a Kindle or a Nook or even just a Kindle app on whatever device you do have, you can skip right on over to Amazon and download your FREE copy tomorrow.

Happy reading!

Oh, and please tell all your friends to download their free copy as well.  :)

http://www.amazon.com/Consensual-Consequences-Registered-Offender-ebook/dp/B004XMOP7U/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=1-1&qid=1289407644

Breaking the Cycle

Hello all,

I know it's been FOREVER since you heard from me.  And yes, I am sorry I have not posted in so long.  A lot has happened since I last posted here.  To keep this relatively short, I'll just bullet point the important parts and if any of you want further details, just email me.  Okay, so here goes:

• March, 2013 - The bill that we were fighting (in my last post) did not pass.  My husband is still eligible to petition to be removed, (although we have not done that yet).
• April - May, 2013 - My financial situation took a nose dive and simultaneously, my mother's health began to as well.
• June, 2013 - My mother was admitted to a hospital and I dropped everything to attend to her and her affairs, (she lives in Florida).  I spent the following two months with her as she bounced back and forth like a ping-pong ball between the hospital and a rehab center.  Meanwhile, I began to sort out her affairs (which was/is a HUGE mess) and set out to find her an assisted living facility where she could live with her two cats. I succeeded, and moved as much of her belongings as would fit into her tiny new apartment.
• August 7, 2013 - I left Florida for home in Arkansas, leaving my mother behind, who had returned once again to the hospital before I left.  (VERY sad day for me!)
• The following week was my family's vacation, and we had planned on a local camping trip, but with very little money and poor weather, stayed home instead.
• August 19, 2013 - School began for my 11 year old daughter.
• August 28, 2013 - I resigned from my position as CEO of SOSEN, for many reasons.
• August 29, 2013 - Yesterday:  I attended the RSOL Conference in L.A., CA.
• Today - Mom is STILL in the rehab.  (SIGH!)

So yeah, there ya go.  A big break in routine over the summer, and now I am scrambling to return to some sense of normalcy in my life. 

Admittedly, I was not excited about attending the conference this year.  If the airline tickets had not already been purchased (which I borrowed money for and still have yet to pay back), and the conference fee had not already been paid for, I probably would have opted out this year.

In a word, with all that had been going on, I had lost my mojo.

My friend, Carla, and I traveled together and arrived Thursday and checked in.  The hotel was very nice, certainly well above my Best Western standards, but we split the hotel room with another attendee to cut down on the cost.  The room was packed full of typical amenities and then some.  We noticed several snacks and beverages had been stocked in the room, but the price list was quite shocking.  For example, a half liter bottle of water was $6.50.  Uh, thanks, but no thanks.  We didn't touch any of it.

The on-site restaurant's menu was even more expensive.  We found out that there was a Denny's down the street one way, and there was a Subway down the street in the other direction.  With the exception of Friday night's banquet dinner, my companions and I ate all our meals at either Denny's or Subway.  Boy, am I sick of Denny's!

The conference was packed full of presentations and workshops and by the time I boarded the plane for home yesterday I felt like my head could explode.  But, wow, did I learn a lot though.  I guess no matter how much you think you know, there is always room in your noggin for more knowledge.

One of the things I want to work on in the coming weeks/months is my second book, and there was still some research I needed to do on the topic of child porn, so I took in the Federal Sentencing Guidelines in Child Pornography and Child Enticement Cases workshop by Gilbert A. Schaffnit, a criminal defense attorney from Florida.  Boy, was I blown away!

Two of the questions I asked:

"How challenging is it for a law-abiding citizen to obtain a large collection of adult porn [over the internet] and never inadvertently receive any child porn?"

"Do FBI sting operations in enticement cases ever send images of child porn in their sting operations?"

The first question was answered with, "It is almost impossible to download adult porn and NOT receive any child porn mixed in."  This means that of the thousands/millions of people who download adult porn, the vast majority will have child porn on their computers and not even know it.  The safest way for people to obtain legal porn is either by purchasing legitimate adult magazines or videos from a reputable adult store.  Whoa.  Are YOU as shocked as I am???

In Florida, you can be sentenced FIVE years for EACH image of child porn you have on your computer.  It doesn't matter if you never look at it.  If it's on your computer, you are in possession of it.

So, if you have just five images of child porn, you could be sentenced for 25 years!  If you have 100 images, that could get you 500 years!

Evidently it is VERY easy to get unsolicited child porn from free peer-to-peer file sharing sites such as Limewire.  I remember Limewire. About eight years ago, my older girls and I were using Limewire to obtain free music.  We eventually stopped using it and started paying for music via itunes.  I consider myself lucky that we quit when we did because even back then, I remember seeing music titles with altered names; things like, "GIRL SCREAMS DURING ORGASM" and crap like that.  I avoided that garbage like the black plague.  Since my hubby was on The List, we didn't want to take ANY chances of getting into trouble.

Mr. Schaffnit answered my second question with, "No, FBI sting operations do not send child porn images themselves.  If they send a photo, it will be typically be from the agent's own childhood, fully clothed or at the beach."  I found this answer surprising since I've heard that the government will actually distribute child porn in order to nab people with possession.  Mr. Schaffnit added, "Most of the time, the sting operations focus solely on the language between the agent and the perp.  If the agent clearly states that she is a 13-year-old girl, for example, and he clearly agrees to meet her anyway, he is done.  Even if he later changes his mind, they can still get him with intent."

Again, wow...

Dr. Clare Anne Ruth-Heffelbower from COSA (Circles of Support and Accountability) in California presented a dynamic presentation on Restorative Justice and Sexual Offenders which illustrated how effective restorative justice can be in preventing re-offense.  I've known about COSA in Canada and the UK for some time (even mentioned it in my book), and think very highly of the program.  I'd love to see more state chapters develop, or better yet, a national one!

Derek Logue gave a well-thought out and highly entertaining presentation on Sex Offender Myth Busters with Tom Madison's character, Bill Blathers, heckling him along the way.  They were so funny!

There were so many other amazing workshops and presenters as well, but I have to say my number one favorite part was when, during the banquet dinner, Janice Bellucci, or CA-RSOL, read Dr. Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech, adapted to our reform movement.

The original version of that speech moves me to tears anyway, but to listen to Janice's version, I literally bawled like a baby, dabbing my gushing eyes with my dinner napkin.  Listening to the speech really served to remind me why I have been an activist in this movement for so long and reminded me why I cannot ever give up, because I, too, have a dream.

I have been riding the energy from that powerful speech ever since!

I feel energized and motivated and feel like my mojo is back!  Thanks to all the organizers for a hell of a GREAT conference!  Can't wait for next year!

My Lucky Day

First, note the date:  03-13-13.  Those that know me know that I consider the number 13 my lucky number, ever since I married the love of my life on October 13, 2001.  It's why there is a "13" in my email address.

I hadn't even noticed the date until my 10 year old daughter pointed it out to me this morning while I was fixing her hair.  As soon as she told me, I smiled a great big smile, as I just KNEW right then and there that it was going to be a good day.

It was!  In fact, it could rank right up there with the top 10 of Best. Days. Ever.

Stopping along the way to Little Rock to pick up Carla, my BFF in this fight, we strategized all the way there.  At one point, she said that if we win today, we should all celebrate with purple milkshakes from The Purple Cow, (a restaurant).  I thought that sounded like a splendid idea.

The three of us arrived at the capitol in time and once inside, my daughter and I headed for the restroom while Carla headed off towards room 171 where the senate judiciary meetings are held.

A few minutes later, my daughter and I made our way to room 171 to meet up with Carla and the others from ATAT. Just as I was reaching for the doorknob to open the door, I heard a man's voice call out behind me, "Ma'am...  Ma'am!" I turned around and found myself face to face with Senator Jon Woods and saw that his hand was stretched out showing that he wanted to shake my hand.  As I accepted his hand in mine, he introduced himself to me, although that SOOO was not necessary as I knew who he was.  I told him I was honored to meet him.  I was just SOOO surprised that he was talking to me.  To me!!!

He clearly knew who I was.  Maybe he recognized me from previous sessions, or maybe he recognized me because my daughter was with me and he'd seen the video.  I'm willing to bet it was the latter.

Anyway, as we stood there, he explained to me that he was striking the language involving an offender with a victim under 18, which I told him was a huge relief to us.  He then went to on explain that he was rewording a word or two about the remaining part of the bill.

I looked at him and said, "Well, if you're taking out the victim under 18 part, then, really, what is the point of the bill?"

He kinda hemmed and hawed, and seemed as if he really didn't know, but told me that he was pulling the bill for now and it would not be presented today.

I found Carla in the meeting room as she was distributing copies of a study she printed out from the Justice Policy Institute.  The room was so packed with people who were there to testify against another bill on animal cruelty.  We left the room and met our fellow advocates out in the hallway to talk.

Turns out, Carla had met with Senator Woods just moments after he spoke with me and he told her the same thing, adding that he wanted to call her about the bill.  She gave him her business card.  We do still have concerns about this bill as the purpose of the bill now is to attempt at some sort of compliancy with the Adam Walsh Act.  We may still need to fight it, but at least NOT on the original issue.

My daughter is again hopeful that her daddy can petition to get off the registry in June.

(Please don't worry, my friends and fellow advocates, even if/when he does get off, I am not going anywhere.  My fight has long ago not been just for my husband... if it ever really was...)

We left the capitol just before lunchtime and did, indeed, celebrate with purple milkshakes from The Purple Cow.

In the car on the way home, Carla and I speculated as to what could have happened to make this turn out the way it did.  She recalled meeting a lawyer outside of room 171 last week and how that led to meeting other important people and having conversations with them and described it as being the first domino in a row of many to fall.  I like that analogy.  We know that many people emailed the senators complaining about this bill.  Then, there is my daughter's video.  Who knows which domino in the line was the one that made the whole thing fall, but in the end it doesn't matter.  All of the dominos fell.

My point with this is that if we had done nothing, this bill would have passed without any fanfare and Arkansas sex offenders and their families would suddenly find themselves on the registry for life, with no hope of ever getting off no matter what they did.

But, the fact is that action was taken and that action created desirable results.  For those of you out there who think you can't do anything to fight the laws in your state, you are sadly mistaken, and you will never know if you don't try.  We are proof that the system CAN work in your favor if you are determined enough.

You just gotta let them know you mean business and that you're not going anywhere...  And please, above all, DON'T wait until it's too late just because a bill that is being proposed won't affect you.  We all know lawmakers take snippets out of our liberties one small bite at a time.  If they bit off more than they could chew, they would never get away with it, but all these tiny nibbles DO wind up being part of a much larger bite as time goes on, and rather than resembling the bite of a mouse, looks more and more like the bite of a great white shark.

If your state is proposing ANY legislation targeting sex offenders, then you shouldn't be sitting there looking at your computer screen and just reading my blog.  (Okay... you can read and THEN take action.)

You need to be writing letters and emails to those legislators and showing up at hearings and giving them a piece of your mind rather than just sitting there letting them take a bite of your ass.

Go get 'em, Tiger!

It works...  It really does.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

Hang onto your hats, folks, it's another blog post ~ 3rd one in 3 days!

As I've said before, I blog when I have something worthy to say.  I feel this will be worthy.

As some of you know, I created a video featuring my daughter's reaction to the news that Arkansas is considering removing the eligibility to be removed from the sex offender registry for persons with victims under the age of 18.

Admittedly, I was desparate and felt pushed into a corner, only having two days to prepare for the bill, which was scheduled to be presented Wednesday.

I knew I would draw the attention of the Haters, and I didn't care.  I still don't.  You cannot be an outspoken advocate in this movement without having people hate you.  In fact, some would say you know you've made it as an advocate when people start to hate you.  Over the last couple years, I've learned to develop a thick skin and I've learned to let their trash talk roll off my back like water off a duck.

Still, I thought you guys might like to sneak a peak at what they're saying about the video.  A friend of mine sent me this link alerting me to where the Haters were coming from.  I wouldn't even bother posting it here, but since they actually posted a link on their page to the evil unveiled's ancient trash talk page about SOSEN, I figured they were fair game.

What goes around comes around and karma and all that.

So, here ya go.  Enjoy reading:

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/parents-whose-children-have-been-sexually-abused/discussions/messages/15895500

The title alone, "Parents Whose Children Have Been Sexually Abused" is enough to make one cringe.  I understand that terrible things happen, terrible crimes are committed by terrible people.  I understand these people's pain and anger, I really do.  My heart goes out to them.  But comparing their own horrible experiences to someone like my husband is absolutely unfounded, but they refuse to see it.  The parents in this group feel victimized.  Their children feel victimized.  But, my husband victim has stated she had a crush on him and persued him, and did not feel victimized in any way.  She says the same thing I do:  That he should have known better.  She grew up to be a well-adjusted woman who now has a family of her own.  She told me herself she never felt like she was victim or that it should ruin her life or anything.  In other words, she is FINE.

And, after my own child sexual abuse, I am FINE, too.  In fact, there are hundreds or thousands, or heck, maybe even millions of us victims who are JUST fine, contrary to what the Haters would like to believe.  We don't all have to hang onto our abuse, clinging to it like it's the only thing that defines us and allowing our hurt, hatred and fear to ruin our lives.

I have to wonder just how many of these parents are actually making it worse for their children.  I am sure there are at least SOME children that would prefer to get help and move on and not let it ruin their lives, but their parents are making them relive the abuse day after day because THEY can't let it go.  These Haters said I was revictimizing my child by having recorded her secretly and posting her reaction to YouTube.  I knew they might say that.  I also knew that if I asked her permission to record her FIRST, then she might not have given an honest reaction, and I knew the Haters would then say it was rehearsed or performed.  I knew it was a lose/lose with them, so that was why I opted for recording first, and explaining my intent second.

Some Haters say they feel sorry for my child but not for what's going to happen to her if her daddy stays on the registry.

Well, I feel sorry for their children, yes, because they were abused in the first place, but more because they are being revictimized every day by a parent who can't, or won't learn to forgive, get help, and let go.  Their hatred for people like me only makes things worse for themselves and their children.  As my friend said, "They seem to think that spending their lives hating others will benefit them.  But, we all know that it won't.  They need to forgive and move on for their own sake.  It's so sad!"

Yes it is sad, so very, very sad.

One of the Haters on YouTube, who is obviously one of the people on the daily strength group actually messaged me on YouTube this message yesterday:

Before you post a you tube video trying to pull sympathy for your case why would you not go into that first... This is a very twisted thing for you to do without thinking about your daughter and her feelings and rights to privacy... So how did your husband end up On that list??? It is hard to get a sex Offender accused let alone put on that list!!! Tell me your story please I want to know why he is innocent ?

To which I responded immediately with:

Thank you for messaging me. I appreciate your interest in this, I really do. It is easy for people to make assumptions about things they don't understand, so let me try to explain things.
I just learned about this bill, SB653, a bill that would severely impact my daughter more than anyone else in my family, including my husband, who has long since adapted to life on the registry. My daughter is only in the 5th grade, and once she gets into high school, having her daddy on the public registry puts her at GREAT risk of harm and harassment. We are doing everything we can to avoid this.
The bill was filed last Thursday and I didn't learn about it until the weekend. I had TWO days to prepare for this bill. Last time I was at the capitol, I testified against another bill in which a senator said to my face, "I don't care about families of sex offenders." Then, on SOSEN's ARC Talk Radio Show last week, the topic was lobbying and a woman in Indiana said that a 13 year old testified against a lifetime registration bill like this and the bill died right then and there.
Admittedly, I was desperate, plus I knew how much my daughter was looking forward to the possibility of her daddy getting off the registry. She talks about it daily, always bringing it up, so hopeful that one day SHE will have a normal life. Maybe videoing her wasn't the best course of action, I acknowledge that. But, when you get pushed into a corner, the way I felt when I learned about this bill, sometimes we don't make the best decisions.
Yes, my husband is guilty of his crime which happened in 1996, he is not innocent. And, he is remorseful. I know the victim, who was 15 at the time, and she told me herself that she had had a crush on him and persued him. It does not matter, he should have known better!!! My daughter wants to blame the victim, and I have to constantly tell her it is not the girl's fault. Daddy made a stupid mistake. Still, is a mistake like that worth punishing a man AND HIS FAMILY for the rest of their lives?
Your statement that it is hard to get a sex offender accused or put on the list is sadly mistaken. It is actually MORE likely that people, particularly jueveniles, will be put on the list than they are to be a victim of a sex crime. I forget the number now, but the majority of people on the list were under 24 at the time of the offense, [I believe the figure is actually close to 1/3] and most were Romeo and Juliet type cases.
There are an overwhelming number of false allegation cases as well, since NO ACTUAL PROOF needs to exist for a conviction in a he said-she said case. The courts will ALWAYS find the defendant guilty. Most false allegation cases are a result of a nasty divorce where there is a custody battle. All the mother has to do is say he touched the child, and it is all over for him and he is in prision and on the list for life.
Anyway, if you are truly interested in learning more about my story you can read my blog at http://www.lynngilmore.blogspot.com/ or better yet read my book: Consensual Consequences: A True Story of Life with a Registered Sex Offender. Before you think I am *just* trying to sell my book, you might be able to find it at your local library, and if not, I'd be happy to send you a complimentary copy for free.
It is more important to me to get my story out there than it is to profit from it. Since 95% of all registered sex offenders never reoffend (according to the DOJ), most offenders are people just like my husband who made one stupid mistake and who are paying for it for the rest of their lives, and their innocent families are suffereing the consequences.
Again, thank you for asking. I really do appreciate your interest. I wish more people would start asking questions rather than making assumptions!
There is also more information available at www.sosen.org and many other websites out there as well, but I don't want to overwhelm you. Please, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, she has not replied back nor has she shared my message with her fellow Haters, even though she has since posted more trash talk on their page.  Why didn't she share my message with her group?  I would send ANY of them a free book if that is what it took to get them to open their eyes and  look past their own hatred and fears and see that there could be a difference between their monstrous abusers and men like my husband.

My good friend says this of fear:

Incidently, there is another group on dailystrength who are showing their support of the video and what we do.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/families-of-sex-offenders/discussions/messages/15888770

I appreciate their support greatly.  To them, I say THANK YOU.

Clear as Mud

Hello all,

I have received SO many emails these last couple days from people wanting to express their gratitude and support for posting my video featuring my daughter's reaction to SB653.  It has been truly amazing and so very encouraging...

And since I went to Little Rock today to testify against SB653, I know many of you have been anxiously awaiting an update.  I am exhausted, but I didn't want to disappoint you, so here I am.  :)

My ten year old daughter went with me to the testify, and one of my other two daughters joined us there.  The third daughter wanted to be there, but since she has a newborn at home, I told her not to come.  It was wonderful to have my family around me.

Carla and her husband were there as well, and we all signed up to speak against SB653.

Many bills were presented, but they never quite got around to SB653.  Instead, as we neared the noon hour, the senators decided to discuss this bill instead of presenting it.  There were some questions and concerns coming from some of the senators, mostly expressing concern over Romeo & Juliet cases.  They felt that R&J's should not be excluded from being eligible to petition to be removed from the registry.  The problem, though, lies in determinating the age difference between the young adult and teen and also the age limit of the offender.

Brad Cazort, with ACIC, stated that maybe the age limit should be 20 or 21.  I believe it was Senator Hutchinson who said he knew of a man who was 24 who had an underage girlfriend, and even though they are married now, with children, he is still on the registry.  He felt that age 24 was not too old.

Now, they didn't ask ME, but if they had, I would have said there should be no age limit at all, that if an adult engages in sexual activity with a willing teenage partner, they should definitely be charged with a crime, but such crime would NOT indicate any sort of "threat to society" and therefore would not need to be on a public sex offender registry, and certainly not for life.

More discussion about the bill ensued, but as the session ended, I left with more questions than I came with. It seems they plan to revise the wording of the bill and present it next Wednesday.  Considering their focal point with R&J's, I am not at all sure testifying about how this bill would affect my child would be the way to go.  I am not so sure my ten year old should come back with me either.

Here's what I do know:  Current Arkansas law says that every registered sex offender has lifetime registration, but that sex offenders CAN petition to be removed after 15 years, so long as they are A) Not level 4 offenders, B) Have been in compliance and C) Have not committed any new crimes.

Where it gets muddy for me is the comparison between this law and the AWA.  It would appear that Arkansas is at least making an attempt to become somewhat AWA compliant.  I think I heard that we are compliant with maybe 9 conditions out of the 14 or so that the AWA has specified must be met.  Only 9 out of 14?  That seems to me they're a long ways off yet.  What happens if 9 of the conditions are met but the rest are not?  Do they get just a small percentage of the Bryne grant money, or none at all?

In an update I just received from Carla with ATAT, she states:

This is the law the way it stands NOW.
Arkansas does not have the Adam Walsh ACT (AWA), in a way this is good, in another way it’s not.
a.       Some of the AR laws are more restricted then AWA and some of the AWA are not.
b.      AWA add juveniles as young as 5 to the list, AR does not.
c.       AWA makes every SO stay on the register for life. AR does not or at least not all of them.
With this new bill SB653, they want to change this.
I will be asking the other state leader for more help on WHY AR want to pass this law, as soon as I know you will. I feel like I am missing a big part of the picture.

Yeah, Carla, I hear ya, I feel like I'm missing a big part of the picture too...

Ya know, between you and me, I don't get why they're getting their panties in a wad over this to begin with.  They say themselves that every registered sex offender has lifetime registration and that they can PETITION to be removed.  Petitioning to be removed is quite an arduous process.  It's not a file-the-petition-and-boom-you're-off kinda thing; it's not an automatic Get Off the Registry Free card.  The offender still has to go before a judge, and quite possibly be reassessed, among other hoops that must be jumped through.  Basically, an offender has to get all of his ducks in a row before they will even consider letting him off the hook.

As I said yesterday, only some successfully petitioned off, while some have not.

It's pretty clear to me that these petitions are handled on a case-by-case basis.  And isn't that a good thing, really?  Isn't that the way it should be?  Why create a blanket approach that says no one can get off if you did this or did that.  How does that really help?  Keeping harmless offenders on the registry does no one any good at all.  Not the victims, not the communities and certainly not the offenders and their families.

Go on and continue to dilute the registry with harmless offenders, and see what it gets you:  A useless registry.  Personally, I would want to know about the ones that actually offended with force or violence, or the ones that molested pre-pubescent children.  The rest, I don't want to know about because I know they are not likely a threat.  The ones that ARE a threat to society are able to hide inside a registry that is saturated with harmless offenders, and those are the ones that are impossible to find on the registry when you go searching.

Yeah, Arkansas lawmakers, your public registry is protecting people, alright, but not the ones you want protected.

Arkansas Proposes Lifetime Registration

Hello Dear Readers,

In the last few days, I learned of a bill, SB653, here in Arkansas that would force most registered sex offenders into lifetime registration.

The Arkansas sex offender registry was 15 years old in 2012.  For 15 years, since its inception, offenders were told they could petition to be removed from the registry after completing 15 years of offense-free registration.  For many, including my family, this has been the glimmer of hope we have needed, dangling like a carrot in front of our noses as the end of my husband's term draws near, this coming June.  All these years have passed without any new laws regarding the 15-year term of registration.

Last year, offenders began filing their petitions, and some have been successful, some have not.  Now, this year, as if an afterthought, Arkansas lawmakers decided to draft up and propose a bill keeping any offender with a victim of 18 and under on the registry for life.  Why wait until now, why didn't they think of this law at any time in the last 15 years?  To come up with this bill now seems in itself cruel and unusual punishment as they prepare to rip the rug right out from under our feet just as relief is on the horizon.

Since yesterday, I have been furiously preparing as best I can to testify against this bill.  Last week, on our newly-returned American Reality Check radio show, the topic was "Lobbying" and one caller suggested we actually take our children to testify against bills and mentioned how a 13 year old testified against a bill very similar to SB653 in Indiana and the effect was powerful enough to bring the legislators to tears and the bill died right then and there in committee.

I had never considered taking my youngest daughter to these hearings before.  In fact, I believe I responded to the caller that I didn't think I could do that, or that she was ready.

When this bill hit me upside the head and between the eyes, I suddenly felt a new level of desperation I'd never felt before.  I realized I had to tell my husband, and especially our daughter, about the possibility of him remaining on the registry for life, if this bill passes.

I thought long and hard about this, and decided to video record my daughter's reaction to the news.  She did not know I was recording until the very end.  I didn't want her to know because I didn't want her to feel like she had to perform, rather, I wanted to capture her true feelings as she felt them.  I was just hoping she wouldn't over-react and get angry and lash out, something that could have easily occurred.

After the recording ended, I explained that I wanted to use the recording to send to the legislators so that they can see first-hand how this law would hurt a child.  I especially wanted to do this because a certain Senator actually said to my face last time I testified before the senate judiciary committee, "I don't CARE about children of sex offenders."

Hearing that at the time felt like a massive slap across the face.  I was so stunned, I didn't even know how to react.  Since when are children - ANY children - throwaway and worthless beings?

My daughter, my sweet adorable daughter, granted her permission to use the video even though she was embarrassed about having thought we were going to Washington, DC.  She is a brave little soul.  Brave, I know, because she has been through so much by these laws already and these experiences have shaped her into the person she has become.

I posted the video to YouTube today and immediately sent off an email to every Senator we will face tomorrow.  I have yet to receive a response, but I am not discouraged.

Meanwhile, I've shared the video with as many people as I can, even at the risk of being criticized for it.  I know that some would think I exploited my child.  To this I would say that I am certainly not the first.  Many laws that have been passed here in America was passed exploiting the name of a child.  The Adam Walsh Act, Jessica's Law and Chelsea's Law to name a few.

Some people probably think the video is not done professionally.  This is true.  Considering I had less than 24 hours to put something together, I felt it was more important to get it done than it was to polish it into a work of art.  I didn't even clean up my office area, it's a mess.  I didn't wear makeup or put on a nice outfit.  I wanted the video, above all, to be REAL.  And it was.

I have two versions of the video.  There is the short version, the version I sent to lawmakers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5v-pGyeuq8

And there is the long version, which the portion with my daughter is uncut or edited in any way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27A_Py4rGfc

The long version, I think, really shows the legitimacy of my daughter's feelings.  She is not coached in any way.  The end of the video is particularly sweet, when she discovers she is being recorded.

I hope you enjoy watching either one, if you so choose to do so...

Please do help spread the word, if you can.  Even if the bill passes the Senate tomorrow, it still has to go through the House and other steps before it can become law.  For now, there is still hope in Arkansas.

I will report back here as soon as I can after the session tomorrow.

Good night!  Wish us luck tomorrow.  We are gonna need it...

Write Letters NOW, PLEASE!

Hi all,

I just wrote a letter to the Arkansas legislators as I understand that SB12 will be presented in the House Judiciary Committee next Tuesday.

As we all know, there is POWER in numbers and if they get bombarded with letters, then it MIGHT help them decide to vote NO on SB12!

If you are interested in writing a letter, email me at lynn.gilmore13 [at] yahoo.com and I'll hook you up with all the email addresses and/or mailing addresses.

Thanks for your help!

Sex Offender Legislation - 2 Years Ago and Now

Dear Faithful Readers,

(Thank you to those of you who are, indeed, faithful!)

Yesterday, my state RSOL group, Arkansas Time After Time, (ATAT) and I attended our first senate committee meeting at the Arkansas state capitol to testify against SB12.

http://www.arkleg.state.ar.us/assembly/2013/2013R/Bills/SB12.pdf

This bill is intended to amend an existing law that was passed in 2011, that prohibits any level 3 or level 4 offender from visiting any government owned swimming pool (which even includes any "adult only" pools at senior centers, etc.)  The amendment was to include any state park having a water feature like a swimming pool, swimming area, beach, and/or also a playground.

Since so many of Arkansas' beautiful state parks include water features and playgrounds, this means they will be off limits to these offenders.  The presenter of the bill even put this bill under a "state of emergency" because the summer months are fast approaching and these parks will soon be filled by innocent little kids.

This bill was drafted because two state park employees (sorry, I failed to get their names) approached Senator Irvin and requested this amendment because, and I quote, "There was a registered sex offender found to be hanging around a playground."

Two years ago, when Arkansas legislation was underway, there were numerous bills being presented and my friends and I struggled to attend every single session waiting for these bills to be addressed.  The first hearing I attended, I went to testify against a house bill adding residency restrictions for lower level offenders.  I was given an opportunity to testify, and spent a good long ten minutes reading my lengthy spiel, and as I spoke, I noticed every committee member was looking at me and listening intently.  They asked me questions.  Even when I finished, I said, "I have more, if there is still time," and the committee chairman, who was clearly very interested in what I had to say, said, "Please, go on."

Weeks later, after attending every senate committee hearing waiting for this bill to be presented, I was once again given an opportunity to address the committee and I had a very similar reaction and response to my experience with the house committee.  Committee members asked me relevant questions and was very respectful.  The bill did not go forward and eventually died.

Yesterday, there was a short list of bills on the agenda, and the very first bill to be addressed was SB12 (after all, summer is quickly approaching and WE MUST PROTECT THE CHILDREN!)

My friends and I were given a chance to testify, but as I was speaking, I looked around at the committee members and only one person was facing me.  The rest were either playing with their phones, writing, reading or shuffling papers, or playing with their ink pens.  The one person who was facing me was Senator Stubblefield and as I spoke about how this law would affect FAMILIES and CHILDREN of sex offenders, his only response to me was, "Well, I think we need to consider the victims."

I did ask the committee, as I began, "How many offenders have been arrested for being at a swimming pool since this law was enacted two years ago?" and "What about this ONE offender that you spoke of having been found lingering at a playground?  Was he there with his family or children?"  Neither question was answered, and I have to say I am flabbergasted that no one seemed to have answers to these extremely relevant questions.

Next, my friend and Executive Director for ATAT, Carla Swanson, testified against the bill and she reiterated very eloquently that very few sex offenders ever reoffend and that most sex crimes happen within the home or with someone the victim knows, and that stranger danger is very rare.  

While she was speaking, we noticed committee members and members of the audience snickering at us.

The contrast between yesterday and the experiences I had two years ago were astounding.  We were not given any respect whatsoever or asked any relevant questions.

The chairman asked if anyone else had anything to say and our friend and fellow ATAT member, Linda, raised her hand.  The chairman sternly stated she would only be allowed to speak if she had something different that what had already been presented.

Since Senator Stubblefield had mentioned his concern for the victims, Linda proceeded to give a very moving testimony on how she, herself, was a victim to multiple rapes by numerous family members, but yet she has gotten help and has learned to forgive and move on, as she put it, "let go and let God."  She went on to say that most offenders are sorry for what they have done and are only trying to get on with their lives and they just want a second chance.

After Linda's testimony, a well-known Arkansas criminal defense lawyer, Jeff Rosenzweig, (http://www.arcriminaldefense.com/) testified against the bill, citing the monetary challenges this law would present.  I've seen Mr. Rosenzweig testify many times before, in fact, I never once attended a session in 2011 without seeing him present.  It is obvious to me he cares about sex offender issues.

The committee addressed Senator Irvin and asked her for the definitions to each of the four levels of sex offenders.  I wish I had a tape recorder.  She stated that "most level 3 and level 4 offenders are all repeat offenders", which is absolutely FALSE!  Mr. Rosenzweig immediately corrected her, thank God, but I felt the committee should have thrown out her bill right then for LYING to them.

In Senator Irvin's closing statements, she shared a story about how her daughter's best friend was molested by someone at school.  The man had committed sex crimes against family members before and was never prosecuted, so when the school did a background check on him, did not discover his crimes, and he went on to molest children at school.  He was NOT a registered sex offender, the registry did not and would not have helped save this child from this crime.  Once again, the sex offender registry proved itself as being USELESS.

While this is definitely a sad, sad story, I FAIL TO SEE THE CONNECTION BETWEEN THIS STORY AND THE NEED FOR THIS LAW IN STATE PARKS!!!!

Uh..... HELLO???

Wasn't anyone listening?

The vote was taken and the bill was passed.

There are SO many problems with this law.  As one of our ATAT members pointed out in an email I received, what is the definition of a "beach"?  Is it where the water meets the shore?  Does it include the sandy area of the shore?  Does it include the surrounding picnic tables and restroom facilities?  What if a sex offender is out on a lake, water skiing and he is suddenly whipped into a swimming area by accident.  Wouldn't this be considered a crime?  What about inter-tubing or canoeing?  I've been canoeing many, many times with my family.  We always pull up to a sandy beach for breaks to eat sandwiches and apply more sun-block.  Other families pull up to the same area, and they almost always have kids.  The kids swim in the area.  Would this not constitute a "swimming area"?  Sometimes there are even signs posted, "swim at your own risk".  This is a clear indication that the area is frequently used for swimming.

There are so many gray areas with this law, and I wouldn't want to be a sex offender facing a judge who is going to use his or her discretion over whether or not I have actually committed a crime.  YIKES!!!

I would still like to know, how many offenders have been arrested for being at a swimming pool since 2011?  Why was this information not provided?  Why wasn't it considered relevant?  I would still like to know about that ONE guy that was found lingering at a playground.  What's his story?  Why was he there?  I'm willing to bet he had a legitimate reason for being there, he probably brought his kids because they wanted their daddy to take them to the park.

How do they plan to enforce this law?  And, how much would it cost to enforce this law?

I wanted to suggest to the committee that if they needed to pass some feel-good law about sex offenders that they should at least consider stating that the offender would be prohibited from these areas alone.  That one key word would have allowed these guys to enjoy these wonderful parks WITH THEIR FAMILIES, which is all any of us want, because we all know this law, the way it is written WILL affect FAMILIES and especially CHILDREN!

If I saw a man "lingering" at a playground, and I notice that he is, in fact, there all alone, then that would be enough for me to be concerned, and it wouldn't matter to me one iota if he was a registered sex offender or not.  (Perhaps that is because I am armed with the knowledge that it is a FACT that about 95% of all new sex crimes are NOT committed by someone on the registry, and I know how useless the registry is in protecting children.)

I have never and would never leave my children unattended at a playground or a swimming area, pool or beach.  I am responsible for their safety and I do not put my faith in others, or worse, some stupid law, to protect my kids.  In almost every abduction case out there, as rare as they are, the child was almost always left alone and vulnerable.

I have never once seen a case where a registered sex offender visited a state park with their family and/or friends and snatched a kid for the purpose of committing a sexual crime in the presence of their own family or friends.  I challenge anyone out there to find me such a case to justify this law.  It just does not happen.

This law is nothing but a fluffy feel-good law that will protect no one and only punish families further.  Children of sex offenders deserve the right to go to these parks with their sex-offender parents!

Or, don't these innocent children count?

Shame on the Arkansas legislators for making up their minds before the bill was even presented, and refusing to open their eyes and see what is so BLANTANTLY obvious to be nothing more than more punishment for offenders.

Gramma Lynn!

Hello all,

A short and quick update...

On January 16, my oldest daughter gave birth to a healthy baby boy.  He weighed 7 lbs. 2 oz., and was 19" long.

We were expecting a girl, so to hear "IT'S A BOY!" in the delivery room was a huge surprise for us all.

I couldn't be more happier or more excited, though.  He is very sweet and precious and I am thrilled to finally be someone's Gramma!

I was very blessed to have been there when he was born, but unfortunately, upon my return home, found myself with a cold.  I was hoping to return to Little Rock this past weekend to help with the baby, but I didn't want to risk passing my cold onto my sweet little grandson.

Wednesday, I am planning to join my fellow ATAT advocates in testifying against bills at the Arkansas state capitol building.  I am hoping and praying my cold will be gone by then so that I can visit with my grandbaby that afternoon!

Keep your fingers crossed!

While Waiting to be Grandma...

Hello Dear Readers,

What can I say?  What lame excuses could I possibly have to explain my long absence these last few months?  None, and I won't even try.  Life is what it is, and that, my friends, should be enough!

Right?

Last time I posted here, I wasn't even here, in Arkansas, I was somewhere in the middle of Texas on my way home from the RSOL conference in New Mexico.

I tend to only come here to post when I feel moved to do so.  That isn't gonna happen every day... or every week, or even every month so it seems... I'm not one to just blab on about stuff that isn't important to me and if I don't have something important to say, then why bother.

Right?

So, I find the timing ironic, actually, because here I was just about to post an update here tonight when I received a new comment just now from someone who had read my post about Rosie.  I do not have a huge following, and it's not that often comments come in, especially when I haven't posted in such a long time.

To receive a new comment now, though, is just incredibly coincidental. Almost Twilight-Zoney.

I was coming here tonight to announce that I am doing some research on how law enforcement, the media and legal professionals handle sex crime cases such as child porn, sexting, Romeo and Juliet cases and even false allegation cases.  The first on my list is how child porn cases are handled.  I anticipate working on this research for several months all the while juggling my usual duties as CEO of SOSEN, hotline volunteer, editor-in-chief of the SOSEN NEWS, graphic designer for many products including ATAT's (Arkansas Time After Time) monthly newsletter, many SOSEN brochures and my own paying clients.  All while simultaneously marketing my own artwork, running a household with a rambunctious ten year old child, a tired husband, four cats and a dog.

Oh, and let's not forget, the Arkansas legislative session is set to begin this month, for which I am sure there will be many four-hour round trips back and forth to Little Rock in the coming months with my other ATAT advocates.

And last but not least, I am about to become a grandma... Any minute now... (fingers are drumming on the desk, trying to be patient...)

Posting to a blog that only a few people read?  Not at the top of my my list of priorities but as I said, life is what it is, and it ain't nothing if it ain't interesting.

Getting back to my research, I have composed a list of 49 questions  - yes I said 49, as in one less than 50 - that I am hoping anyone with a child porn case will be happy to fill out.  It could be filled out by an offender themselves or by a family member.  If you or someone you know would like to participate, just email me at lynn.gilmore13@yahoo.com.

I look forward to hearing from ya.  And now, back to your regular programming.

Lynn

Oops, almost forgot to add:  I changed the background here...  The white text on black background was killing my soon-to-be Grandma eyes.  Hope you like it better.