Hang onto your hats, folks, it's another blog post ~ 3rd one in 3 days!
As I've said before, I blog when I have something worthy to say. I feel this will be worthy.
As some of you know, I created a video featuring my daughter's reaction to the news that Arkansas is considering removing the eligibility to be removed from the sex offender registry for persons with victims under the age of 18.
Admittedly, I was desparate and felt pushed into a corner, only having two days to prepare for the bill, which was scheduled to be presented Wednesday.
I knew I would draw the attention of the Haters, and I didn't care. I still don't. You cannot be an outspoken advocate in this movement without having people hate you. In fact, some would say you know you've made it as an advocate when people start to hate you. Over the last couple years, I've learned to develop a thick skin and I've learned to let their trash talk roll off my back like water off a duck.
Still, I thought you guys might like to sneak a peak at what they're saying about the video. A friend of mine sent me this link alerting me to where the Haters were coming from. I wouldn't even bother posting it here, but since they actually posted a link on their page to the evil unveiled's ancient trash talk page about SOSEN, I figured they were fair game.
What goes around comes around and karma and all that.
So, here ya go. Enjoy reading:
The title alone, "Parents Whose Children Have Been Sexually Abused" is enough to make one cringe. I understand that terrible things happen, terrible crimes are committed by terrible people. I understand these people's pain and anger, I really do. My heart goes out to them. But comparing their own horrible experiences to someone like my husband is absolutely unfounded, but they refuse to see it. The parents in this group feel victimized. Their children feel victimized. But, my husband victim has stated she had a crush on him and persued him, and did not feel victimized in any way. She says the same thing I do: That he should have known better. She grew up to be a well-adjusted woman who now has a family of her own. She told me herself she never felt like she was victim or that it should ruin her life or anything. In other words, she is FINE.
And, after my own child sexual abuse, I am FINE, too. In fact, there are hundreds or thousands, or heck, maybe even millions of us victims who are JUST fine, contrary to what the Haters would like to believe. We don't all have to hang onto our abuse, clinging to it like it's the only thing that defines us and allowing our hurt, hatred and fear to ruin our lives.
I have to wonder just how many of these parents are actually making it worse for their children. I am sure there are at least SOME children that would prefer to get help and move on and not let it ruin their lives, but their parents are making them relive the abuse day after day because THEY can't let it go. These Haters said I was revictimizing my child by having recorded her secretly and posting her reaction to YouTube. I knew they might say that. I also knew that if I asked her permission to record her FIRST, then she might not have given an honest reaction, and I knew the Haters would then say it was rehearsed or performed. I knew it was a lose/lose with them, so that was why I opted for recording first, and explaining my intent second.
Some Haters say they feel sorry for my child but not for what's going to happen to her if her daddy stays on the registry.
Well, I feel sorry for their children, yes, because they were abused in the first place, but more because they are being revictimized every day by a parent who can't, or won't learn to forgive, get help, and let go. Their hatred for people like me only makes things worse for themselves and their children. As my friend said, "They seem to think that spending their lives hating others will benefit them. But, we all know that it won't. They need to forgive and move on for their own sake. It's so sad!"
Yes it is sad, so very, very sad.
One of the Haters on YouTube, who is obviously one of the people on the daily strength group actually messaged me on YouTube this message yesterday:
Before you post a you tube video trying to pull sympathy for your case why would you not go into that first... This is a very twisted thing for you to do without thinking about your daughter and her feelings and rights to privacy... So how did your husband end up On that list??? It is hard to get a sex Offender accused let alone put on that list!!! Tell me your story please I want to know why he is innocent ?
To which I responded immediately with:
Thank you for messaging me. I appreciate your interest in this, I really do. It is easy for people to make assumptions about things they don't understand, so let me try to explain things.
I just learned about this bill, SB653, a bill that would severely impact my daughter more than anyone else in my family, including my husband, who has long since adapted to life on the registry. My daughter is only in the 5th grade, and once she gets into high school, having her daddy on the public registry puts her at GREAT risk of harm and harassment. We are doing everything we can to avoid this.
The bill was filed last Thursday and I didn't learn about it until the weekend. I had TWO days to prepare for this bill. Last time I was at the capitol, I testified against another bill in which a senator said to my face, "I don't care about families of sex offenders." Then, on SOSEN's ARC Talk Radio Show last week, the topic was lobbying and a woman in Indiana said that a 13 year old testified against a lifetime registration bill like this and the bill died right then and there.
Admittedly, I was desperate, plus I knew how much my daughter was looking forward to the possibility of her daddy getting off the registry. She talks about it daily, always bringing it up, so hopeful that one day SHE will have a normal life. Maybe videoing her wasn't the best course of action, I acknowledge that. But, when you get pushed into a corner, the way I felt when I learned about this bill, sometimes we don't make the best decisions.
Yes, my husband is guilty of his crime which happened in 1996, he is not innocent. And, he is remorseful. I know the victim, who was 15 at the time, and she told me herself that she had had a crush on him and persued him. It does not matter, he should have known better!!! My daughter wants to blame the victim, and I have to constantly tell her it is not the girl's fault. Daddy made a stupid mistake. Still, is a mistake like that worth punishing a man AND HIS FAMILY for the rest of their lives?
Your statement that it is hard to get a sex offender accused or put on the list is sadly mistaken. It is actually MORE likely that people, particularly jueveniles, will be put on the list than they are to be a victim of a sex crime. I forget the number now, but the majority of people on the list were under 24 at the time of the offense, [I believe the figure is actually close to 1/3] and most were Romeo and Juliet type cases.
There are an overwhelming number of false allegation cases as well, since NO ACTUAL PROOF needs to exist for a conviction in a he said-she said case. The courts will ALWAYS find the defendant guilty. Most false allegation cases are a result of a nasty divorce where there is a custody battle. All the mother has to do is say he touched the child, and it is all over for him and he is in prision and on the list for life.
Anyway, if you are truly interested in learning more about my story you can read my blog at http://www.lynngilmore.blogspot.com/ or better yet read my book: Consensual Consequences: A True Story of Life with a Registered Sex Offender. Before you think I am *just* trying to sell my book, you might be able to find it at your local library, and if not, I'd be happy to send you a complimentary copy for free.
It is more important to me to get my story out there than it is to profit from it. Since 95% of all registered sex offenders never reoffend (according to the DOJ), most offenders are people just like my husband who made one stupid mistake and who are paying for it for the rest of their lives, and their innocent families are suffereing the consequences.
Again, thank you for asking. I really do appreciate your interest. I wish more people would start asking questions rather than making assumptions!
There is also more information available at www.sosen.org and many other websites out there as well, but I don't want to overwhelm you. Please, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I appreciate it.
Unfortunately, she has not replied back nor has she shared my message with her fellow Haters, even though she has since posted more trash talk on their page. Why didn't she share my message with her group? I would send ANY of them a free book if that is what it took to get them to open their eyes and look past their own hatred and fears and see that there could be a difference between their monstrous abusers and men like my husband.
My good friend says this of fear:
Incidently, there is another group on dailystrength who are showing their support of the video and what we do.
I appreciate their support greatly. To them, I say THANK YOU.