Tuesday, October 8, 2013

pro·mis·cu·ous

pro·mis·cu·ous
 adjective \prə-ˈmis-kyə-wəs\
: having or involving many sexual partners

I think I've talked about this before, but alas, such a topic warrants yet another look.

With the recent freebie of my book on Kindle, I should have known to expect a few new reviews of the book on Amazon, and of course, Amazon readers do not fail to come through.  I hadn't even noticed the new reviews until a friend of mine emailed me alerting me to one in particular, saying, "Regular folks -- rather than those affected by RSO laws -- found a [FREE] book they could sink their teeth into and rip apart."

Of course, I just had to go and take a looksee for myself.  Sure enough, there is just one negative review and then somone else commented on that review.  I can't say as I'm surprised all that much that these two individuals are hung up on the fact that I say that my hubby's young victim was "promiscuous."  The reviewer by the name The Book Lover "Lou" says, "How can you dare call a 14 year-old girl promiscuous? If men weren't doing things to her, she couldn't be promiscuous."

(Click here to read the review.)



Seriously?  NO fourteen (or fifteen) year old girl would ever be interested in sex and want to have it?  The reader goes on to say that I "can't see the forest" because I was molested by a family member at a young age myself and therefore Lou seems to think I am incapable of making a smart choice for a husband some twenty-five years later.  As if I was molested one week and married to my hubby the next; that the span of 25 years of life experiences did not teach me anything at all about sex and healthy relationships.

Sounds like Dr. Drew all over again.

According to any one of the statistics out there that you can find on the net, anywhere from 20% to 38% of 14 and 15 year old girls are sexually active.  Does "sexually active" equate "promiscuity"?  If the number of partners is greater than two, I would say yes.  Cass Lisane, the commenter who responded to Lou's review accuses me of "slut-shaming" the victim.  Let's be clear:  I said she was promiscuous, I didn't call her a slut.  Just to be sure, I just ran a Search of the word "slut" in my 256 page PDF of the book, and, nope! "Slut" could not be found.

I am sorry if they disagree, but I do not think that "promiscious" and "slut" mean the same thing.  To me, "slut" is derogatory, whereas "promiscuous" is simply a description of a type of sexual behavior.

Anyway, back to the girl.  Here are the facts:

  • Raised and lived in an extremely remote Hippie community where attitudes about sex were open and free. (Information provided by community members.)
  • Nudity among community members were common place. (Information provided by community members.)
  • Was seen walking with friends down a dirt road and through the woods topless on a few different occasions, as young as 12 years old. (Information provided by community members.)
  • Sexually active beginning about 12 years of age. (Information provided by community members.)
  • Had multiple partners (more than 2) by the time the incident with my husband took place. (Information provided by community members.)
  • Says she has NEVER been sexually abused in any way by anyone including my husband. (Information provided to me by victim herself.)
  • Was sexually involved with another man, 24 years old, at the time of the incident. (Information provided to me by community members and confirmed by victim herself.)
  • Was attracted to and had a crush on my husband for a period of time prior to and during the incident. (Information provided to me by victim herself.)
  • Initiated sexual contact with my husband. (Information provided to me by both the victim and my husband.)

You decide if she was promiscuous or not.  Even if you believe she wasn't, you cannot deny she was sexually active.

Now, regarding my dear hubby.  Here are the facts:

  • Was 34 years old at the time of the incident.
  • Was not involved with anyone at the time of the incident, had been celebate for nearly two years.
  • Was not aware of the girl's age, nor did he care to know.
  • Was left alone with the girl by her friends, brother and her parents.
  • Was in a state of depression.
  • Knew better, but did it anyway.
  • Was drunk.
  • Was stupid.


Both Lou and Cass Lisane felt that such facts were no excuse for what he did.  On that note, I agree completely.  At no time throughout the book do I attempt to excuse his actions, I am merely stating the facts as I knew them to be.  Stating the facts does not equate excusal; just merely explains how the incident could have taken place.  If any one of those factors had not been present, the incident might not have happened.

Lou stated, "I don't truly think you can objectively see what your book sounds like."

When I wrote the book, I definitely worried about that and that was why I chose two different editors with different backgrounds than me to edit the book.  One of the editors had suffered tremendous and extreme child sexual and emotional abuse and the other had never been touched by any form of child sexual abuse whatsoever and grew up in a healthy normal environment.  I felt, with their views based on their own experiences, they could help me keep the book balanced and focused.  Believe me, the book underwent some serious editing at the hands of these two remarkable women.  The book would not get published until it met their approval and they were comfortable with the final version.  I didn't just willy-nilly write the book and send in the manuscript unedited without any serious thought.  I knew that the book might strike a nerve or two here and there, and wanted to be sensitive to that end.  I still believe I accomplished that goal and my editors still back me up.

A few little facts about me:

  • I was exposed to sexual topics at a very young age by both my parents.
  • I was taught that sex was a good thing and was not dirty.
  • I *was* a victim to child sexual abuse, I am NOT a victim now.
  • I could have ended the abuse at any time but since I liked the attention, I chose not to, for two years.
  • I received two years of counseling after I finally ended the abuse.
  • I was a sexually active promiscuous teenage girl beginning when I was 15, (after the abuse ended.)
  • I was horny and I liked older boys and men.  One of the men I sought out was 25 years older than me.
  • I do not consider myself to be a victim of any form of sexual abuse by anyone else beside the family member who abused me.
  • I went 25 years between the abuse and meeting my current husband, living a very normal American life.  As a teen, I never got involved with drugs, (just smoked pot a few times.)  I graduated high school.  I graduated art school.  I got married to a very normal college-educated man and we shared a very normal sexual lifestyle.  No weird stuff.  We had two daughters together.  We worked hard.  We bought houses and cars and lived the American Dream.  Then, finally, at 39, my life simply changed.

A few more little facts:

  • My hubby was not a "Registered Sex Offender" when I met him.  At the time of his conviction, he was only asked to sign a paper at the court house.  There was no annual or semi-annual registration of any sort required, and therefore when I began a relationship with him, I was not worried about that stuff.
  • After we married, and after our daughter was born, the laws changed and he was then made to register every six months.  Still not a big deal.
  • Eleven years after the incident, when our daughter was five years old, the state raised his classification to a Level 2 and online and community notification was required.  This is when our hell begain.

People often say to me, "How could you marry a sex offender?" or "How could you have children with him?"

These things were NOT an issue at the time of our marriage or at the time of our child's birth.  I ask them in response, "What would you have me do?  Get a divorce and wish my daughter didn't exist?"

So, in closing, to Lou and Cass Lisane, I would like to say to them to walk a mile in my shoes and their eyes may then be opened.  I think I see the forest just fine, thank you, and I think maybe they could learn a thing or two if only they looked.  As for promiscuous teenage girls, they do exist, yet it is clear to me that neither Lou or Cass has ever been one.  You know what they say, "It takes one to know one", and well, I believe I definitely and completely qualify as one who knows one.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Finally Number One at Something

Hi all,

Just a quick reminder here to run right over to Amazon and download your FREE copy of my book, Consensual Consequences, on Kindle.  I believe today is the last day you will be able to download the book FREE!

CLICK HERE NOW!

It's been a typically busy week for me as work has picked up for me (yay!) but the down side is I have not been able to watch the ranking of the book this week like I wanted to. (boo hoo!) I have no idea how many copies of the book have been downloaded as my publisher has that info.  I will have to email them to ask.

Meanwhile, I think it's worthy to note that on September 12, the Kindle version of the book ranked #825 as a result of the giveaway.  That is, by far, the best the book has ever done.  Since then, the ranking has dropped a wee bit and today, the ranking is at 1,074, which is still pretty good, even for a free book.

But, check out the ranking for:

Kindle Store > Kindle eBooks > Nonfiction > Professional & Technical > Law > Criminal Law > Criminal Procedure




It's Number 1!

WOO HOO!

I just had to take a screen shot in case the ranking dropped in the next minute or two.  :)




Wednesday, September 11, 2013

124 and Counting!

I just asked my publisher if anyone had downloaded any FREE copies of my book on Kindle and she responded with:

"Holy S...   124 already!!!"

Awesome!!!  That's 124 new people receiving an eye-opening education.  At least I hope!

Carry on, my friends!

Monday, September 9, 2013

Get a FREE Copy of My Book!

Hello all,

I have some exciting news tonight!  Beginning tomorrow, Tuesday, September 10, 2013, my book, Consensual Consequences, will be available FREE on Kindle for five days!  (At least I hope!) I have been working with my publisher to set up this free offer for a while now...

Woo-hah!

Click here to get your FREE copy.

Also, coinciding with this exciting news is a new You Tube video of a complimentary reading of Chapter 1 of the book that I have just launched.  Chapter 1, "Melody" describes the events that took place just prior and leading up to how I came to meet my loving husband.  This video is almost a half-hour long, so I would recommend starting the video and once you see the cover image of my book, go right ahead and begin multi-tasking while listening to the reading.  Play some Candy Crush.  Eat some popcorn.  Do the dishes.  File your fingernails.  Pick the lint out of your belly button... whatever it is you want to do to occupy your hands while your ears do the job of filling your noggin up with the narrative of the story that begins my life with my beloved man with a horrible label.

To see the video, click here.

The video is nothing fancy, and is narrated by me, which was especially challenging as I've had a cold, but nevertheless, I feel pretty good about how it all came out, considering as I've already stated, I am technologically challenged.

Maybe you will find it interesting enough that you will want more.  If you have a Kindle or a Nook or even just a Kindle app on whatever device you do have, you can skip right on over to Amazon and download your FREE copy tomorrow.

Happy reading!

Oh, and please tell all your friends to download their free copy as well.  :)

http://www.amazon.com/Consensual-Consequences-Registered-Offender-ebook/dp/B004XMOP7U/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=1-1&qid=1289407644

Monday, September 2, 2013

Breaking the Cycle

Hello all,

I know it's been FOREVER since you heard from me.  And yes, I am sorry I have not posted in so long.  A lot has happened since I last posted here.  To keep this relatively short, I'll just bullet point the important parts and if any of you want further details, just email me.  Okay, so here goes:
  • March, 2013 - The bill that we were fighting (in my last post) did not pass.  My husband is still eligible to petition to be removed, (although we have not done that yet).
  • April - May, 2013 - My financial situation took a nose dive and simultaneously, my mother's health began to as well.
  • June, 2013 - My mother was admitted to a hospital and I dropped everything to attend to her and her affairs, (she lives in Florida).  I spent the following two months with her as she bounced back and forth like a ping-pong ball between the hospital and a rehab center.  Meanwhile, I began to sort out her affairs (which was/is a HUGE mess) and set out to find her an assisted living facility where she could live with her two cats. I succeeded, and moved as much of her belongings as would fit into her tiny new apartment.
  • August 7, 2013 - I left Florida for home in Arkansas, leaving my mother behind, who had returned once again to the hospital before I left.  (VERY sad day for me!)
  • The following week was my family's vacation, and we had planned on a local camping trip, but with very little money and poor weather, stayed home instead.
  • August 19, 2013 - School began for my 11 year old daughter.
  • August 28, 2013 - I resigned from my position as CEO of SOSEN, for many reasons.
  • August 29, 2013 - Yesterday:  I attended the RSOL Conference in L.A., CA.
  • Today - Mom is STILL in the rehab.  (SIGH!)


So yeah, there ya go.  A big break in routine over the summer, and now I am scrambling to return to some sense of normalcy in my life. 

Admittedly, I was not excited about attending the conference this year.  If the airline tickets had not already been purchased (which I borrowed money for and still have yet to pay back), and the conference fee had not already been paid for, I probably would have opted out this year.

In a word, with all that had been going on, I had lost my mojo.

My friend, Carla, and I traveled together and arrived Thursday and checked in.  The hotel was very nice, certainly well above my Best Western standards, but we split the hotel room with another attendee to cut down on the cost.  The room was packed full of typical amenities and then some.  We noticed several snacks and beverages had been stocked in the room, but the price list was quite shocking.  For example, a half liter bottle of water was $6.50.  Uh, thanks, but no thanks.  We didn't touch any of it.

The on-site restaurant's menu was even more expensive.  We found out that there was a Denny's down the street one way, and there was a Subway down the street in the other direction.  With the exception of Friday night's banquet dinner, my companions and I ate all our meals at either Denny's or Subway.  Boy, am I sick of Denny's!

The conference was packed full of presentations and workshops and by the time I boarded the plane for home yesterday I felt like my head could explode.  But, wow, did I learn a lot though.  I guess no matter how much you think you know, there is always room in your noggin for more knowledge.

One of the things I want to work on in the coming weeks/months is my second book, and there was still some research I needed to do on the topic of child porn, so I took in the Federal Sentencing Guidelines in Child Pornography and Child Enticement Cases workshop by Gilbert A. Schaffnit, a criminal defense attorney from Florida.  Boy, was I blown away!

Two of the questions I asked:
"How challenging is it for a law-abiding citizen to obtain a large collection of adult porn [over the internet] and never inadvertently receive any child porn?"
"Do FBI sting operations in enticement cases ever send images of child porn in their sting operations?"
The first question was answered with, "It is almost impossible to download adult porn and NOT receive any child porn mixed in."  This means that of the thousands/millions of people who download adult porn, the vast majority will have child porn on their computers and not even know it.  The safest way for people to obtain legal porn is either by purchasing legitimate adult magazines or videos from a reputable adult store.  Whoa.  Are YOU as shocked as I am???

In Florida, you can be sentenced FIVE years for EACH image of child porn you have on your computer.  It doesn't matter if you never look at it.  If it's on your computer, you are in possession of it.

So, if you have just five images of child porn, you could be sentenced for 25 years!  If you have 100 images, that could get you 500 years!

Evidently it is VERY easy to get unsolicited child porn from free peer-to-peer file sharing sites such as Limewire.  I remember Limewire. About eight years ago, my older girls and I were using Limewire to obtain free music.  We eventually stopped using it and started paying for music via itunes.  I consider myself lucky that we quit when we did because even back then, I remember seeing music titles with altered names; things like, "GIRL SCREAMS DURING ORGASM" and crap like that.  I avoided that garbage like the black plague.  Since my hubby was on The List, we didn't want to take ANY chances of getting into trouble.

Mr. Schaffnit answered my second question with, "No, FBI sting operations do not send child porn images themselves.  If they send a photo, it will be typically be from the agent's own childhood, fully clothed or at the beach."  I found this answer surprising since I've heard that the government will actually distribute child porn in order to nab people with possession.  Mr. Schaffnit added, "Most of the time, the sting operations focus solely on the language between the agent and the perp.  If the agent clearly states that she is a 13-year-old girl, for example, and he clearly agrees to meet her anyway, he is done.  Even if he later changes his mind, they can still get him with intent."

Again, wow...

Dr. Clare Anne Ruth-Heffelbower from COSA (Circles of Support and Accountability) in California presented a dynamic presentation on Restorative Justice and Sexual Offenders which illustrated how effective restorative justice can be in preventing re-offense.  I've known about COSA in Canada and the UK for some time (even mentioned it in my book), and think very highly of the program.  I'd love to see more state chapters develop, or better yet, a national one!

Derek Logue gave a well-thought out and highly entertaining presentation on Sex Offender Myth Busters with Tom Madison's character, Bill Blathers, heckling him along the way.  They were so funny!

There were so many other amazing workshops and presenters as well, but I have to say my number one favorite part was when, during the banquet dinner, Janice Bellucci, or CA-RSOL, read Dr. Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech, adapted to our reform movement.

The original version of that speech moves me to tears anyway, but to listen to Janice's version, I literally bawled like a baby, dabbing my gushing eyes with my dinner napkin.  Listening to the speech really served to remind me why I have been an activist in this movement for so long and reminded me why I cannot ever give up, because I, too, have a dream.



I have been riding the energy from that powerful speech ever since!

I feel energized and motivated and feel like my mojo is back!  Thanks to all the organizers for a hell of a GREAT conference!  Can't wait for next year!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

My Lucky Day

First, note the date:  03-13-13.  Those that know me know that I consider the number 13 my lucky number, ever since I married the love of my life on October 13, 2001.  It's why there is a "13" in my email address.

I hadn't even noticed the date until my 10 year old daughter pointed it out to me this morning while I was fixing her hair.  As soon as she told me, I smiled a great big smile, as I just KNEW right then and there that it was going to be a good day.

It was!  In fact, it could rank right up there with the top 10 of Best. Days. Ever.

Stopping along the way to Little Rock to pick up Carla, my BFF in this fight, we strategized all the way there.  At one point, she said that if we win today, we should all celebrate with purple milkshakes from The Purple Cow, (a restaurant).  I thought that sounded like a splendid idea.

The three of us arrived at the capitol in time and once inside, my daughter and I headed for the restroom while Carla headed off towards room 171 where the senate judiciary meetings are held.

A few minutes later, my daughter and I made our way to room 171 to meet up with Carla and the others from ATAT. Just as I was reaching for the doorknob to open the door, I heard a man's voice call out behind me, "Ma'am...  Ma'am!" I turned around and found myself face to face with Senator Jon Woods and saw that his hand was stretched out showing that he wanted to shake my hand.  As I accepted his hand in mine, he introduced himself to me, although that SOOO was not necessary as I knew who he was.  I told him I was honored to meet him.  I was just SOOO surprised that he was talking to me.  To me!!!

He clearly knew who I was.  Maybe he recognized me from previous sessions, or maybe he recognized me because my daughter was with me and he'd seen the video.  I'm willing to bet it was the latter.

Anyway, as we stood there, he explained to me that he was striking the language involving an offender with a victim under 18, which I told him was a huge relief to us.  He then went to on explain that he was rewording a word or two about the remaining part of the bill.

I looked at him and said, "Well, if you're taking out the victim under 18 part, then, really, what is the point of the bill?"

He kinda hemmed and hawed, and seemed as if he really didn't know, but told me that he was pulling the bill for now and it would not be presented today.

I found Carla in the meeting room as she was distributing copies of a study she printed out from the Justice Policy Institute.  The room was so packed with people who were there to testify against another bill on animal cruelty.  We left the room and met our fellow advocates out in the hallway to talk.

Turns out, Carla had met with Senator Woods just moments after he spoke with me and he told her the same thing, adding that he wanted to call her about the bill.  She gave him her business card.  We do still have concerns about this bill as the purpose of the bill now is to attempt at some sort of compliancy with the Adam Walsh Act.  We may still need to fight it, but at least NOT on the original issue.

My daughter is again hopeful that her daddy can petition to get off the registry in June.

(Please don't worry, my friends and fellow advocates, even if/when he does get off, I am not going anywhere.  My fight has long ago not been just for my husband... if it ever really was...)

We left the capitol just before lunchtime and did, indeed, celebrate with purple milkshakes from The Purple Cow.

In the car on the way home, Carla and I speculated as to what could have happened to make this turn out the way it did.  She recalled meeting a lawyer outside of room 171 last week and how that led to meeting other important people and having conversations with them and described it as being the first domino in a row of many to fall.  I like that analogy.  We know that many people emailed the senators complaining about this bill.  Then, there is my daughter's video.  Who knows which domino in the line was the one that made the whole thing fall, but in the end it doesn't matter.  All of the dominos fell.

My point with this is that if we had done nothing, this bill would have passed without any fanfare and Arkansas sex offenders and their families would suddenly find themselves on the registry for life, with no hope of ever getting off no matter what they did.

But, the fact is that action was taken and that action created desirable results.  For those of you out there who think you can't do anything to fight the laws in your state, you are sadly mistaken, and you will never know if you don't try.  We are proof that the system CAN work in your favor if you are determined enough.

You just gotta let them know you mean business and that you're not going anywhere...  And please, above all, DON'T wait until it's too late just because a bill that is being proposed won't affect you.  We all know lawmakers take snippets out of our liberties one small bite at a time.  If they bit off more than they could chew, they would never get away with it, but all these tiny nibbles DO wind up being part of a much larger bite as time goes on, and rather than resembling the bite of a mouse, looks more and more like the bite of a great white shark.

If your state is proposing ANY legislation targeting sex offenders, then you shouldn't be sitting there looking at your computer screen and just reading my blog.  (Okay... you can read and THEN take action.)

You need to be writing letters and emails to those legislators and showing up at hearings and giving them a piece of your mind rather than just sitting there letting them take a bite of your ass.

Go get 'em, Tiger!

It works...  It really does.

Friday, March 8, 2013

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real


Hang onto your hats, folks, it's another blog post ~ 3rd one in 3 days!

As I've said before, I blog when I have something worthy to say.  I feel this will be worthy.

As some of you know, I created a video featuring my daughter's reaction to the news that Arkansas is considering removing the eligibility to be removed from the sex offender registry for persons with victims under the age of 18.

Admittedly, I was desparate and felt pushed into a corner, only having two days to prepare for the bill, which was scheduled to be presented Wednesday.

I knew I would draw the attention of the Haters, and I didn't care.  I still don't.  You cannot be an outspoken advocate in this movement without having people hate you.  In fact, some would say you know you've made it as an advocate when people start to hate you.  Over the last couple years, I've learned to develop a thick skin and I've learned to let their trash talk roll off my back like water off a duck.

Still, I thought you guys might like to sneak a peak at what they're saying about the video.  A friend of mine sent me this link alerting me to where the Haters were coming from.  I wouldn't even bother posting it here, but since they actually posted a link on their page to the evil unveiled's ancient trash talk page about SOSEN, I figured they were fair game.

What goes around comes around and karma and all that.

So, here ya go.  Enjoy reading:

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/parents-whose-children-have-been-sexually-abused/discussions/messages/15895500

The title alone, "Parents Whose Children Have Been Sexually Abused" is enough to make one cringe.  I understand that terrible things happen, terrible crimes are committed by terrible people.  I understand these people's pain and anger, I really do.  My heart goes out to them.  But comparing their own horrible experiences to someone like my husband is absolutely unfounded, but they refuse to see it.  The parents in this group feel victimized.  Their children feel victimized.  But, my husband victim has stated she had a crush on him and persued him, and did not feel victimized in any way.  She says the same thing I do:  That he should have known better.  She grew up to be a well-adjusted woman who now has a family of her own.  She told me herself she never felt like she was victim or that it should ruin her life or anything.  In other words, she is FINE.

And, after my own child sexual abuse, I am FINE, too.  In fact, there are hundreds or thousands, or heck, maybe even millions of us victims who are JUST fine, contrary to what the Haters would like to believe.  We don't all have to hang onto our abuse, clinging to it like it's the only thing that defines us and allowing our hurt, hatred and fear to ruin our lives.

I have to wonder just how many of these parents are actually making it worse for their children.  I am sure there are at least SOME children that would prefer to get help and move on and not let it ruin their lives, but their parents are making them relive the abuse day after day because THEY can't let it go.  These Haters said I was revictimizing my child by having recorded her secretly and posting her reaction to YouTube.  I knew they might say that.  I also knew that if I asked her permission to record her FIRST, then she might not have given an honest reaction, and I knew the Haters would then say it was rehearsed or performed.  I knew it was a lose/lose with them, so that was why I opted for recording first, and explaining my intent second.

Some Haters say they feel sorry for my child but not for what's going to happen to her if her daddy stays on the registry.

Well, I feel sorry for their children, yes, because they were abused in the first place, but more because they are being revictimized every day by a parent who can't, or won't learn to forgive, get help, and let go.  Their hatred for people like me only makes things worse for themselves and their children.  As my friend said, "They seem to think that spending their lives hating others will benefit them.  But, we all know that it won't.  They need to forgive and move on for their own sake.  It's so sad!"

Yes it is sad, so very, very sad.

One of the Haters on YouTube, who is obviously one of the people on the daily strength group actually messaged me on YouTube this message yesterday:

Before you post a you tube video trying to pull sympathy for your case why would you not go into that first... This is a very twisted thing for you to do without thinking about your daughter and her feelings and rights to privacy... So how did your husband end up On that list??? It is hard to get a sex Offender accused let alone put on that list!!! Tell me your story please I want to know why he is innocent ?

To which I responded immediately with:

Thank you for messaging me. I appreciate your interest in this, I really do. It is easy for people to make assumptions about things they don't understand, so let me try to explain things.
I just learned about this bill, SB653, a bill that would severely impact my daughter more than anyone else in my family, including my husband, who has long since adapted to life on the registry. My daughter is only in the 5th grade, and once she gets into high school, having her daddy on the public registry puts her at GREAT risk of harm and harassment. We are doing everything we can to avoid this.
The bill was filed last Thursday and I didn't learn about it until the weekend. I had TWO days to prepare for this bill. Last time I was at the capitol, I testified against another bill in which a senator said to my face, "I don't care about families of sex offenders." Then, on SOSEN's ARC Talk Radio Show last week, the topic was lobbying and a woman in Indiana said that a 13 year old testified against a lifetime registration bill like this and the bill died right then and there.
Admittedly, I was desperate, plus I knew how much my daughter was looking forward to the possibility of her daddy getting off the registry. She talks about it daily, always bringing it up, so hopeful that one day SHE will have a normal life. Maybe videoing her wasn't the best course of action, I acknowledge that. But, when you get pushed into a corner, the way I felt when I learned about this bill, sometimes we don't make the best decisions.
Yes, my husband is guilty of his crime which happened in 1996, he is not innocent. And, he is remorseful. I know the victim, who was 15 at the time, and she told me herself that she had had a crush on him and persued him. It does not matter, he should have known better!!! My daughter wants to blame the victim, and I have to constantly tell her it is not the girl's fault. Daddy made a stupid mistake. Still, is a mistake like that worth punishing a man AND HIS FAMILY for the rest of their lives?
Your statement that it is hard to get a sex offender accused or put on the list is sadly mistaken. It is actually MORE likely that people, particularly jueveniles, will be put on the list than they are to be a victim of a sex crime. I forget the number now, but the majority of people on the list were under 24 at the time of the offense, [I believe the figure is actually close to 1/3] and most were Romeo and Juliet type cases.
There are an overwhelming number of false allegation cases as well, since NO ACTUAL PROOF needs to exist for a conviction in a he said-she said case. The courts will ALWAYS find the defendant guilty. Most false allegation cases are a result of a nasty divorce where there is a custody battle. All the mother has to do is say he touched the child, and it is all over for him and he is in prision and on the list for life.
Anyway, if you are truly interested in learning more about my story you can read my blog at http://www.lynngilmore.blogspot.com/ or better yet read my book: Consensual Consequences: A True Story of Life with a Registered Sex Offender. Before you think I am *just* trying to sell my book, you might be able to find it at your local library, and if not, I'd be happy to send you a complimentary copy for free.
It is more important to me to get my story out there than it is to profit from it. Since 95% of all registered sex offenders never reoffend (according to the DOJ), most offenders are people just like my husband who made one stupid mistake and who are paying for it for the rest of their lives, and their innocent families are suffereing the consequences.
Again, thank you for asking. I really do appreciate your interest. I wish more people would start asking questions rather than making assumptions!
There is also more information available at www.sosen.org and many other websites out there as well, but I don't want to overwhelm you. Please, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask. I appreciate it.

Unfortunately, she has not replied back nor has she shared my message with her fellow Haters, even though she has since posted more trash talk on their page.  Why didn't she share my message with her group?  I would send ANY of them a free book if that is what it took to get them to open their eyes and  look past their own hatred and fears and see that there could be a difference between their monstrous abusers and men like my husband.

My good friend says this of fear:



Incidently, there is another group on dailystrength who are showing their support of the video and what we do.

http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/families-of-sex-offenders/discussions/messages/15888770

I appreciate their support greatly.  To them, I say THANK YOU.